A Week I Will Never Forget

It has been less than 48 hours since we returned from Ethiopia.  Our tummies are still trying to figure out what the heck happened, and our sleep cycles may take awhile to return to normal.  We had a great week getting to know our girls and we feel like we started to form a bond with them.  It was hard to leave them there.  It just feels so unnatural to meet them, get to know them, bond a little, and then leave them!  Praying that time goes by quickly, and that their hearts and minds will understand that we're coming back for them!

What we saw in Ethiopia will be burned into our memories forever.  The look that one mother gave Jeremy as she came up to the window of our van is something that I will never, ever forget.  Her eyes said a thousand words.  She had a small child in one hand, and a baby on her back.  We happened to have our girls with us in the van at the time, and our middle daughter immediately grabbed our backpack and searched for food to give to this mother.  We had a gallon-sized baggie full of fruit snacks that we brought for the girls to share with their friends.  Our daughter pulled the bag out of our backpack and motioned to Jeremy to give it to this mom.  Fruit snacks??...But this mom took the bag, walked about 5 feet, threw it on the ground and began ripping the bags open with her teeth to feed her children.  I so wish that we would have had something more nutritious to share with her.  The part of this story I will never forget is how our daughter immediately reached for our backpack and wanted to share what she had with this momma who was desperate to feed her children. 

Our agency has a psychologist and a physician on staff in Ethiopia.  We were able to meet with both of them, and we were humbled to hear more about our girls' story.  The girls have been through more than any child should ever have to endure.  We are so thankful for a God who is big enough to heal hurts and fill in the empty spaces.  We pray that the girls find their identity not in their past, or future, but in their God who gives all of us the grace we need to get through this life.  My goals in this life are to love God with all of my being, and to show my 6 children the love He has lavished upon them, so that they will know Him and be called His children.  

After this past week, I think adoption is glamorized a little bit.  I don't know that people really talk about the hard parts much.  Adoption.  Is.  Hard.  It's hard for everyone involved.  The travel to another continent and back is brutal!  The emotions that everyone experiences are brutal!  Hearing about the life that your adopted child has lived, and trying to process how you're going to help them heal from that is brutal!  The fear involved is almost crippling.  I had to keep reminding myself that God didn't give me a spirit of fear, that comes from somewhere else.  I choose joy and peace.  Another adoptive mom told me that I would probably need to grieve our family as it was before I could truly open up and welcome the girls and accept our family as it is now.  It's not that I'm not excited about our family of 8, I'm just trying to process all of this.  This process HAS to be brutal for the girls.  As excited as the girls are to have a new family, this has to be so incredibly hard on them.

We were excited to go to Ethiopia to meet our girls, and that was a blessing.  What we didn't expect was to meet some of the most amazing people on the planet while we were there.  Our agency alone had about 28 families in country last week.  This meant that not all of us could be housed in their guest house.  We, along with several other families, were housed in a "hotel" in Addis Ababa.  It was an adventure that I'm sure none of us will ever forget!  Who knew that God would call us to Ethiopia and then allow us to meet these amazing families!?!?  Jeremy and I keep talking about how blessed we were to be able to bond with all of them!  We cannot imagine the trip without these amazing people.  God is good all the time.  He orchestrates every detail!

Eighteen Months and Counting

Remember when I told you that our Family Coordinator told us to prepare financially for a referral at 10 months, and to prepare our hearts to wait as long as 18 months?  Well, yesterday was 18 months.  I think we'd better prepare our hearts for at least 24 months...maybe 30 or more.

We're #4 on the list, but things aren't really moving right now.  There are some families completing their process, so maybe there will be some referrals soon!  When we decided to adopt, we never dreamed that it would take this long.  All we can do is be patient!

We just wanted to give you a little update.  There's really no news.  :(  We're trusting in God's timing!  That's all we can do!

Still Waiting...

I feel like I need to at least tell you all that we are still adopting, and obviously, still waiting.  It's been 2 years since our family decided to adopt (so hard to believe), and 16 months since we sent our Dossier (a bunch of paperwork that took us 9 months to put together) to Ethiopia.  We've updated our home study once (because IL makes you update it yearly), and I'm guessing we'll start that process again in March (for the 3rd time).  Life has been extremely busy, so our minds have been busy, too.  I check lists and blogs and waiting children's lists daily.  We're still #5 on the unofficial list, approved for siblings, ages birth to 9 years.  I suppose we'll have to talk and pray about whether or not we're going to increase our age range again.

Things are really slow in Ethiopia right now, but it's for good reason.  I know that the ET govt is working hard to make sure that every adoption is ethical, and we appreciate that so much.  (It's still hard to think about the fact that there are kids living in orphanages when there are families ready to welcome them into their homes.)  We just have to keep believing that everyone is acting in their best interest.

If you have questions, don't feel bad asking.  It's hard to wait, but it's so not about us.  We've been blessed with three boys who keep us very busy, and we're excited to welcome two more kiddos into our family, but we're waiting patiently for the right time!

Yes, We Are Still Adopting...

We never dreamed that it would take this long for a referral when we decided to adopt.  Lately we've been getting the questions, "What's taking so long?" and "Are you still adopting?"  Yes, we are still adopting, and the reason it's taking so long is out of our hands.  We are trying to wait patiently.  It's been 10 months since we sent our paperwork to ET, and 18 months since we decided to adopt.  Yikes!

We did recently update our home study, because it's been a year since our first home study was written.  We changed our age range (from birth to 6 years) to birth to 9 years, 10 at the time of placement.  We're hoping this will move things along.  Of course the State of IL has to approve this change.  Our home study should be sitting on an important desk right now, waiting for approval.  We hope to hear back in the next week or two.

Thank you all for asking about things.  I wish we had more to tell.  Someday we will, but for now, this is all I've got.  :)

Another Mother's Day

I'm so thankful for my three boys.  They are all three such amazing individuals.

I love Noah for his incredible ability to always have all of his ducks in a row.  :)  I don't know where he gets that....ahem.  He is smart, smart, smart.  He has a heart of gold, and would do anything, for anybody, anytime.  He has to parent me more than I have to parent him.  Noah will do some amazing things in this world, he is truly a gift.

Colin, oh Colin.  He makes me smile just thinking about him.  He has a heart big enough to love everyone in his path, and he does.  He is joy in flesh, and brings light and life to every room he enters.  He is mister go-with-the-flow, and his one-liners kill me.  Colin will do great things, and make an amazing husband someday...the boy can cook!

Jeron...this kid is hilarious.  I think he came into the world with the intention of being a goofball.  He peed all over the nurses as they were weighing him in the delivery room.  Jeron is the kind of guy who will make the most inappropriate comment, and then give all of his money away to someone begging on the street.  He's the perfect mix of compassion and entertainment.  He has a love for the broken that blows my mind.  He is without a doubt, the most generous human I know.

The fact that these three boys have Jeremy as their dad is a huge part of why they are the way they are.  When I watch Jerm with our boys, and with other people's kids, I can't believe how much he loves them.  Something happens to him when there are little kids around...he has a knack for winning over every kid who comes his way.  What I love the most about him is that his heart turns into a big 'ole pile of mush when he feels like there is injustice in a child's world.  I am blessed.

This was a great Mother's Day.  All three of my guys spoiled me, and treated me like a queen.  I shouldn't ask for more, but I can't help thinking about the two little loves who are missing from our family.  This is the second Mother's Day since we decided to adopt.  It's been a little bit of an emotional day for me.  I'm hoping that next year we'll be a family of 7, but there are no guarantees.

There isn't much to say about our adoption at this point.  I posted awhile back that we were #8 on the waiting list, but we've been moved back down to #9.  It's discouraging to say the least, but we will just have to continue to wait.  God knows what He's doing!  We did recently receive an email from our agency stating that the Ethiopian Ministry of Women's, Children's and Youth Affairs is still committed to advocating for ET orphans.  This is a good thing!  It sounds like things are changing constantly in Ethiopia as far as adoption goes, but they are good changes.

We're thankful to all of you who ask about how things are going.  We just wish we had more to tell you!  Someday we'll look back, and it will seem like time has flown by.  In the meantime, we'll continue to pray for all 5 of our kids, that they'll be safe, healthy, and strong, and that they'll follow Jesus all the days of their lives!

Happy Mother's Day!

Quick Update

We don't have much to tell you at this point, just a couple of things.

First, we are very excited to have received the Show Hope Grant! It took forever to fill out the application, but it was worth it! They will send $4500 to our agency! Woo hoo!

The only other bit of news is that our agency sent out an email last week explaining that they were extending the wait times. So, we continue to wait. We know that some day we'll look back and see that the timing was perfect!

Thanks for asking about our progress. We wish we had more to report, but for now, this is all we've got!

Just a Quick Update

A lot of people have asked where we stand in the process, so I thought I'd write a quick note to tell you what we know.  It's so hard to wait, but Jerm keeps reminding me that it's not about us.  Well, maybe it's not about him, but it's definitely about me.  I'm TOTALLY kidding!!  We've talked a lot lately about a mom's heart, and how men can never fully understand what a mom feels for her children.  I truly feel like it's just something God placed in women.

As I've mentioned before, I know that the best thing for our adopted children would be to remain with their biological family, but sometimes that just can't happen.  So, knowing that there are two sweet babies in Africa who need a mommy, hurts my heart.  I can't wait to have them in our home so that we can love them, and give them a chance to have a life outside of growing up in an orphanage, or living on the streets in Addis Ababa.  (Cue Jerm:  "It's not about us, be patient.")

I've never really been the kind of person who needs a plan.  I usually just go with the flow.  Though I feel like with this adoption, I've kind of felt like I needed to know the plan.  So, a week or so ago, I emailed our Family Coordinator at America World (our agency).  It went a little something like this:

"Hi Jennifer,

Is there any way you can give us an idea of how long you think we'll wait for a referral?  The listed wait times are for infants only, right?  

We just noticed that there were a few that changed their requests, and moved over to the siblings list (based on the Yahoo group list).  We wondered if there was a ballpark estimate of how long it could take.

Thank you!

Jeremy and Kami"




"Jeremy and Kami,

Thank you for checking in about this. The wait times are based on infant referrals, yes, but because of the changes in the process in Ethiopia this year, we are encouraging families to set their expectations for the same timeframe as infants, which is currently 10-16 months for males and 11-18 months for females. 

Because we don't have a good trend on which to estimate a timeframe for siblings, it is difficult to give a ballpark estimate for your wait time. I would encourage you to set your heart's expectation to be closer to 18 months, but to plan financially for a referral as soon as ten months. 

If we see that the wait times are changing, I will be sure to let you know. 

Have a great evening!

Jennifer Allen | Family Coordinator
America World Adoption"


So, 10-18 months from October 21, 2011, we should have a referral for the two children who will join our family.  That seems like an eternity, but I know God has it all worked out, and after all, it's not about us.  ;)  I'm hoping we have a referral by Christmas.  I'll just keep crossing the months off of the calendar.  Two down, sixteen to go!


In the meantime, we're enjoying every second with the three beautiful boys God has entrusted to us already.  They are such great kids, and they're growing so fast.  We are beyond blessed, and thankful for all of you who have shown us so much support.  


God is so good...He's so good to me!

Now We Wait

All of our paperwork is complete, and our dossier is in Ethiopia.  All we have to do now is wait.  I'm not gonna lie, I check the waiting list 100 times a day to see if we've moved from position #11 to #10...even though I know that the list is only updated about once a month.  I'm guessing I'll stop checking it as often as time passes.


So why does it take so long to receive a referral if there are SO many orphans?  This is one of the two questions I receive on a daily basis.  I'm so thankful that our friends care, and ask about the process.  Please don't ever hesitate to ask questions.  Another question we often hear is, "Why does it cost SO much to adopt?"  I want to try to answer both of those questions, but please remember, I'm not an adoption expert by any stretch of the imagination.


One of the reasons it takes so long to receive a referral (at least from our agency) is because our agency does their homework.  They believe, and so do we, that the best place for a child to be is with their biological family.  Our agency is committed to researching every child's background to ensure that there isn't anyone else in their family who would be willing to care for them.  This process takes time.  Once our agency is sure that the child/children can't be cared for by any other family members in Ethiopia, they will prepare them for referral.  This process includes visits with the Dr., Psychiatrist, and some blood tests.  Our agency will make sure that all of the paperwork is consistent with police reports from when the child was orphaned or relinquished.


The other reason it takes so long is because we have to operate on Africa time.  Our agency has orphanages and a transition home that they fully support.  The orphanages take in children who have been orphaned or relinquished.  Then, when a child's history has been completely reviewed, and they are ready to be referred to an adoptive family, they can be moved to the transition home.  Once a child/children are adopted, and moved out of the transition home, other children from the orphanages can move in.  The transition home can only house so many children at one time, so this can sometimes slow down the process.  Once a family receives their referral, they must receive a favorable letter from the Ministry of Women's, Youth, and Children's Affairs.  Families are at the mercy of MOYCA's schedule to receive this letter.  Then, a family must appear in court.  Receiving a court date can take a lot of time.  After receiving a favorable ruling from the judge, the Embassy must also approve the case.  When things slow down at the Embassy or in the courts, the entire process slows down, and there's really nothing that can be done...so we wait.  We are daily thankful for our agency, and the care and attention to detail that they give to every aspect of the process.


The second question, "Why does it cost so much?"  I've copied and pasted the expenses below.  Most of the agency fees are more for us since we're adopting two children.  I think it's nice to see it all so that the big number we have to end up with makes more sense.


We are paying MANY people (homestudy agency, AWAA (placing agency), US government, etc.) to do their job in our adoption process.  The international fee goes to support the transition home and orphanages affiliated with AWAA - to pay the staff, run medicals, provide for needs of the kids.  The program fee pays for AWAA staff, paperwork, etc.


If you ever have any questions, please ask.  We're glad to answer anything.  :)

Adoption Expenses:

APPLICATION & PAPERCHASE

Application Fee $250

1st Installment of Program Fee $1,500

Home Study $1,200 - $2,800

Additional Home Study Documentation Prep. Fee $0 - $100

Home Study Visit Travel Fees (could include mileage, hotel, and food costs) $0 - $300

Adoptive Parent Training (2 adults) $175

Documents/Background Checks/Passports $100 - $500

USCIS Fee & Update Fee + Fingerprinting $830

Notarization, Certification & Authentication $400

DOSSIER SUBMISSION & WAITING

Courier Service $150

2nd Installment of Program Fee $2,000

Post-Adoption Report Deposit (fully refundable if all post-adoption reports are returned on time) $1,000

Dossier Service & Translation $800

1/2 International Program Fee (1 child) ••• $3,750

REFERRAL & TRAVEL

International Specialist Consultation $100 - $400

3rd Installment of Program Fee $1,500

1/2 International Program Fee (1 child) ••• $3,750

Trip 1 - Airfare (2 adults) $2,400 - $4,000

Trip 1 - In-Country Travel Package (2 adults) •••• $1,400 - $2,500

Trip 1 - Visas (2 adults) $40

Trip 2 - Airfare (2 adults) $2,400 - $4,000

Trip 2 - Airfare (1 child) $250 - $1,000

Trip 2 - In-Country Travel Package (2 adults) •••• $1,000 - $2,000

Trip 2 - Visas (2 adults) $40

Visa/Embassy Fee (1 child) •••••• $400

POST-ADOPTION

Post-Adoption Visits •• $300 - $1,500

Post-Adoption Visit Travel Fees $0 - $1,050

Post-Adoption Administrative Fee $385

Re-Adoption $300 - $1,000

Post-Adoption Report Refund (refunded in installments as, and only if, each report is returned on time) ($1,000)

Other Costs (include doctor visit and related co-pays, social security card, passport cost, postage, long distance phone calls) $100 - $1,000

Sooooo, just how exactly are we going to pay for this?

We've made some great strides over the past month.  We received our biometrics fingerprint appointment.  We'll go September 21, and then we can tie up some loose ends and send our dossier in!  I can't believe it's almost time!  Here's the scary/exciting part...  We are #6 on the unofficial list to receive a referral.  Yikes!!  I kind of thought we'd be waiting for about six months after we sent in our dossier.  That could still be the case, but it's looking like things could move quickly once we get our dossier to Ethiopia.

We couldn't be more excited to get our kids home, but we've been hit with the question this week, "So, how are we going to pay for this?"  We thought we'd have a little more time to save and maybe have some kind of a fundraiser, but if things move quickly, we'll have to come up with a better plan!  We know God will provide.  He's provided perfectly so far.  We feel like we've been obedient to His leading in this, so we know that if it is what we're supposed to do, the funds will come.

We'll keep you posted on our progress.  I don't know how long it takes to get the I-171H, but the day we get it in the mail will be a very exciting day!  We started this process on February 24th, 2011 and it's very possible that we could see our sweet babies' faces by next February 24th, 2012!

Thank you all for reading my boring little blog.  As I've mentioned before, this isn't really my thing, but I want our kids to know that they were very much wanted.  We look forward to the day when we get to hold them!!

Take Hold of the Life That is Truly Life!

I've been feeling so blessed this past week.  We are blessed to have generous families in our church who are willing to share their swimming pools, lake homes, time, resources, and most importantly, friendship with us.  God uses all of us in different ways.  I don't think people know how much of a blessing they are to another family when they share a part of what God has given them.  May MY family live the same way.  We all have something to share, big or small.


 We've also been feeling blessed to have some big prayers answered in big ways:


-We've been praying for Uncle Tim, Aunt Mindy, Grace, Will, and Eden to have a safe trip to Uganda.  They are there as I write this, and have their sweet, baby boy with them.  Now they are a family of 6!  


-We've all been praying for Aunt Mandi's house to sell, and it looks like that is going to happen this week!  


-We've been praying that our Home Study would be finalized so that we could send in our ever-important (not to mention, wicked expensive) I-600A form to USCIS.  This is a huge step in the process, and...We received our Home Study in the mail on Saturday!  I sent it to Dallas the same day.  Let's do this!!


Yesterday, as I was sitting in church, feeling blessed to have the freedom to worship in a public place, I was overwhelmed at how good my God is.  He never leaves, He never forsakes.  He knows exactly what we need, exactly when we need it.  He shared his Son with us.  He is my everything!


God is good, all the time.  He can't be anything else.  So as I'm thinking about all of my blessings, I'm also thinking of those throughout this world who are broken and hurting.  Those who are being persecuted daily for their faith, those who are starving because of a famine, those who are lonely because their families have shunned them, those who are lost because the enemy has deceived them...  Our God is good, He loves us all the same, so why do some people have to hurt?  Sometimes I think that when humans have to suffer, they are more likely to seek God's face.  I have to be careful not to get too comfortable basking in my blessings.  I want to be seeking His face every minute of every day.  I don't ever want to be comfortable with where I am.  I want to be challenged.  I want to grow.  I am so thankful that I can say, "Life is good," but that doesn't mean that I want to ignore what is going on in the world around me.  


My prayer is this, "Lord, daily show me how I can share my blessings with this broken world.  Use me in any way.  I am yours and you are mine.  May my heart always be after yours."

O.K., So Maybe I'm Not So Patient...

All of my life I've always been told that my best asset is my patience.  Well, we can just throw that out the window right now.  Through this process I've learned that I'm NOT patient.  I'm very patient with my kids, with my husband, with my friends, with anything really.  Jeremy gets frustrated with me.  He says, "Nothing ever bothers you."  Well I'm bothered.

We started this process on February 24th.  My sweet Grandma Foy's birthday.  Now we're coming on 5 months and our dossier is nowhere near being ready to send off to Ethiopia.  I'm frustrated, anxious, maybe a little annoyed, and upset that we have to send our home study back to the state of Illinois for a second approval.  The approval will take another 2-4 weeks and it probably won't be sent off until the end of next week.

In the beginning, I was told that this home study process takes 4-6 months and of course in my head, I was determined to have it done in 4 months.  Now we'll be lucky if it's all said and done in 6 months.  Boo.

We thought we were good to go on Monday, and then Jennifer from America World sent me an email to let me know that our Social Worker needed to meet with us one more time.  We thought we were golden after two meetings with Whitney.  Whitney didn't realize that Ethiopia requires 3 meetings.  Bummer!!

I put on my brave face and emailed back, "It's OK, God's timing is perfect.  It will all work out."  I know that He has His hands all over this.  I've begged Him to, and I trust that He has heard my prayers.  Maybe it's best for me to finish some more of my classes before these new babies come to our family.

So that's where we're at!  Waiting.  I think that's the name of this game.  I'm OK with that.  I'm going to enjoy every day of this life that God has given me, knowing that He's got it all under control.  Now I just need to be patient...but I sure hope we can still get in under that six month mark.  :)

I am not a blogger, but...

So here's the deal... I have NO idea what I'm doing!  You wouldn't believe how long it's taken me just to set up this bare bones, ugly little blog!  I'm trying.  

I've never been a scrap-booker, blogger, “journaler,” you know, anything that requires creativity or sharing my feelings and thoughts.  I'm going to give it a whirl because the last time we met with our Social Worker, Whitney, she suggested that we document our story for our future kiddos.  So, I'm doing this for you, kids. I'm going to try to document how we evolved from a family of five to a family of seven.  It looks crazy to even write it.  But, Jeremy and I feel like that's what we've been called to, a love that looks crazy on paper (or my laptop screen) (and probably to most people in the "world").  We know that God will turn it into a beautiful story.

I agonized over what to call my blog and finally came up with Psalm 68:6, "He places the lonely in families."  This was long after we had decided to adopt, and it struck me.  I tried to look into a few commentaries about the context of the verse and what I've found is that he is most likely talking about the the Israelites.  After they escaped from Pharoah, they were scattered and some were separated from their families.  They were sometimes welcomed into a different family.  Another said that it he is talking about God welcoming the lonely into His family.  That is our goal.  We want to be loving parents to our new kids, but more than anything, we want them to know that God desires to welcome them into His home.  We want them to know the love of Jesus and His grace that saves them.


I'll never forget (well, actually I hate saying that because I probably will. Jeron says, "It's just a figure of speech, mom.") the song by Wayne Watson (whom you've probably never heard of) called "It's Good to be Lonely."  The lyrics talk about how it's OK to be lonely every now and then to see that God is really ALL we need.  When we feel like there's no one in this world who will love us, when we fail at some noble pursuit, when there's no one to go home to... our God is ENOUGH!!!  But, what if someone doesn't know God?  They don't have the same opportunity to realize that He is all they need.  They are just truly lonely.

I want our bio kids and our adopted kids to know that God is always enough.  I believe our adopted kids have the advantage here. They're coming from a country rich in love, rich in tradition, rich in culture, but they don't have access to all of the material things that we have.  The fact that we're Americans is a blessing and a burden.  We have to be on our toes at all times, making sure that we're not letting something that we have access to, replace our need for our great God.  

Our three sons have been taught and shown the love of Jesus.  I hope that our ET kids have been given the same blessing, but if they haven't, we feel blessed to know that we will have the opportunity to share that with them.  Someday our Ethiopian kids will be able to tell us their story. I'm sure it will include some times of loneliness.  My prayer is that all five of our kids will know Jesus intimately, and that they will never know true loneliness again.